3. Our lover lies, we kill the messenger

"When you’re living with escalating chaos and trying to convince those around you that everything is, or will be, fine, you often demand that others either go along with yourself delusions or stay away. You don’t want outside reality checks to interfere with the false reality you’ve created for yourself, so you often stop opening up to the people you’ve been close to or sometimes stop seeing them all together. The only people you feel comfortable with are those who will tell you what you want to hear.

Sometimes even as the truth is beginning to permeate, when we hear it from someone else it almost feels like an assault.

In our desperation to make sure we will not be tricked again, we become a detective, believing somehow that we could prevent another calamity by becoming excessively suspicious.

If he’s going to cheat on you, he will find a way to do it no matter how many times you go through his wallet or phone."

Recent accounts of cheaters have found that both partners have a shared note in their iPhones that they delete once they have read the message. Leaving no paper, text or email thread to be found.

Some cheaters have been known to add and delete dating apps on their phone on a daily basis.  There are now, thanks to technology, countless ways to cheat."

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Excerpt from When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal.​